As remembered by Tony Roberts
'They're probably going to put Gary Buckenara on to bowl the last over,' - Melbourne Football Club statistician Peter Perrett as Reds' first ever tie against Swan CC boiled to a climax, soon after the 1987 VFL Preliminary Final.
'Our recruiting zone's more philosophical than qeoqraphical.' - D. Dunstan to a bemused old-timer scoring for Royal Park, 1980.
'Keep the ball UP and on OFF stump, Simon.' D. Dunstan to S. Roberts, very often.
'Oh, it's a 12.30 start, is it?' - opening batsman P. Atkins arrivinq at Fairbairn Park at 1 ps for E Grade semi-final, 1987 (Reds batted first).
'Why didn't you tell me it was cutting back?' - J. Prent to T.Roberts, non-striker, after dragging on a straight one from a foot outside the off-stump against Druids, Boeing Reserve, 1984.
'Let's bat sensibly all day and end up with about three or four for 280 to tarnish their victory.' - pep talk from A. Kahn to Reds A Grade beginning the second day facing a Brandon score of 401, 1985.
(We did.) 'Hey, Alec, next time you feel like playinq a game of cricket, why don't you come and tell us about it, heh?' - Brandon wicketkeeper Watson at tea with Reds 2/110 on course for above target - the 280, not the 401.
'An extremely rude and irritable person called David Dunstan ranq up to 'have a word' with you, Alec.' - housemate to AK on the night after the infamous 2nd inninqs declaration and outright defeat by Yarra Park, 1986.
'I had to rinq you up before all the rumours and slanders got back to you... Gareth Owen behaved absolutely apppallingly.' - a tired and emotional fellow captain to T.Roberts after a major inninqs of 64 had been marred by the runout of three partners, recently.
'They're All Ordinaries, they're All Ordinaries!' - K. Middleton, repeatedly, from slip during the first (victorious) match against the Stock Exchange, 1985.
'Oh, has the season started already?' - R. Wright to various captains in the first week of October in every year from 1981-88.
'Head down, Larly, start again.' - constant admonition by lunatic Coburg Socialist captain to headstrong no. 3 batsman after each boundary during infamous 79-80 semi-final. Reminded of this too late by B. Cousland, when caught by the latter after hitting a six.
'Head up, Barry/Trevor, swing again.' - Reds teammates to these as they chased an outright target of 90 in 7 overs at Fawkner, 1980.
'I might be a shit cricketer but I'm a shit cricketer in a premiership team, which is more than any of you blokes can say.' -- D. Nadel to surly Royal Park bench, whose chants of 'give Groucho a bowl' went strangely unheeded by Alec despite an apparent policy of giving everyone a bowl during the dying overs of the 1980/81 premiership victory. Ever-cautious Kahn possibly feared handing the premiership to Royal Park around 8 p.m. before 6 legitimate deliveries could be bowled.
'I've never in my whole life had to deal with such a mob of incompetent fuckwits.' - F. Campbell, having had his sunglasses accidently knocked off by a lobbed throw, announcing to his ex-teammates his intention of not playing for the Reds, 1979.
'If he says you're out, son, you walk!' - D. Dunstan to Whytecross at Richmond Town Hall who disputed an LBW decision, 1979.
'Frankly, the standard of umpiring in this competition has become appalling.' D. Dunstan after one of many caught-behind decisions off hip or upper arm, 1987.
'Bloody geriatric!' - K. Norling on S. Carroll, legendary 60ish captain of Fawkner Amateurs, who demanded that he carry a piece of broken glass from the stumps to a boundary side rubbish bin, 1980.
'If you wear Steve King's box, you're sleeping on your own.' - female associate to T. Fleming, 1980.
'Let's impose a Carthaginian peace.' T. Roberts at 5 p.m. drinks on 2nd day with Reds five down and 50 runs ahead of Reservoir YCW, 1980.
'Hammer and sickle 'em, Reds.' - only known ultra-left statement attributed to A. Hewett, 1979-83. 'Praxis, praxis, praxis...' - muttered repeatedly by R. Wright as an aid to fielding concentration on hot days, 1982.
'No concept!' - T. Flemming to nervous opposition batsman commencing innings, 1979-83. Included as an insult, but very often a boomerang.
'Ugh...gh...gh!' - M. MacRobbie, bowling 1980-83.
'Back back back ... oh, no!' - A. Kahn to outfielders chasing skiers that ended up as sixes, often.
'Calm down, you're bowling well.' - A. Kahn to T. Roberts after latter threw tantrum when two consecutive deliveries went wide over batsman's head, 1985.
'So you want me to bowl this shit all the time?' retorted T.R.
'What! Ross was angry with me about that?' - A. Kahn at next drinks break after R. Attrill had been run out by the length of the pitch against Rangers, 1989.
'Selfish...!' T.Flemming, preceded by bat and gloves, on returning after similar incident with A. Kahn against Kensington United, 1981.
'Bowl another over while we check the scores.' - Reds scorer to J. Dugdale, captain of North Melbourne PAFS as Reds passed their score in 40 degree heat, 1982. Peter Martin hit 20 off the over, bowled by a 50 year-old leg-spinner, who nearly collapsed.
'I think we can win this.' NSCA umpire W. Tyler to A. Kahn as RPR, 8/71, chasing Royal's 177 earlier, recovered to 8/140 at stumps on Day 2 of 1981/82 B Grade final. Sorry Bill, we didn't quite get there...