"You don't know how tough it is out here!" - Bill Alexander explaining after a ball had gone straight between his legs at point.
"You know you're in Melbourne when you're walking through the park and you see someone kicking the footy with cricket pads on." - Hung Le
"Butcher plays this off the black foot." - Brian Johnston, BBC
"What a magnificent shot! No, he's out." - Tony Greig.
"Now, Pakistan are in real trouble." - Tony Greig, with Pakistan on 9/58
"Alright, this bloke's a prime candidate for a run out: he's a bit fat and he's wearing rubber soles."-Peter Bickle not only displays his insight into the game, but informs playe rs and spectators of the shortcomings of a Power-house batsman.
"If you ever captain Australia, don't do it like a Victorian." Vic Richardson, former Australian Test captain, to his grandson Ian Chappell.
"I doubt if many of my contemporaries, especially the older ones, did many exercises. I have often tried to picture (Godfrey) Evans and (Denis) Compton doing press-ups in the out field before the day's play, but so far have failed miserably." - Peter May
"He couldn't be fired out lbw by Terry twice in one game!"-Dave Rogerson unsuccessfully tempts Andrew Dare's fate as a Powerhouse appeal goes up.
"Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches." - Paul Hogan
"I put my heart, soul and tears into the game and this is what I get. I don't know what to do. My wife can't sleep at night. I hold my daughter all night. I am ashamed I played c ricket." - Kapil Dev on the betting scandal
"They're all ordinaries!" - ex B-Grader Ken Middleton to a procession of Stock Exchange batsmen.
"I didn't drop my pants and moon the crowd; I just went a little bit over the top. I carried on like a pork chop, but the bottom line was I didn't do anything wrong." - Shane War ne on his balcony celebrations after the win at Trent Bridge in 1997
"There is, of course, a world of difference between cricket and the movie business ... I suppose doing a love scene with Racquel Welch roughly corresponds to scoring a century be fore lunch." - Oliver Reed
"In the book that'd have to go down as 'run out - stupid'"-Dorothy levels a serious accusation against a NAB batsman.
"Welcome to Worcester where we have just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground." - Brian Johnston
"Geoffrey is the only fellow I've met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since." - Dennis Lillee (in jest) on Geoff Boycott
"You'll never die of a stroke, Mackay." - fan jeering the slow batting of Ken 'Slasher' Mackay "Look at Siddons. He's ready to throw like a panther." - Kim Hughes, Optus Vision.
"Where does the Fatboy live?... I can't believe I just called him that!"-Hugh Whitehouse refers to Tim Lambert by his proper title.
"Off the field, he could be your life-long buddy, but out in the middle, he had all the loveable qualities of a demented rhinoceros." - Colin McCool of Bill O'Reilly
"It's tough for a natural hooker to give it up." - Ian Chappell
"I just went blank!"-Peter Atkins explains a rush of blood that prompted his dismissal.
"The selectors are full of sh!t." - Chris Lewis on not being picked in 1998
"I might be a sh*t cricketer, but I'm a sh*t cricketer in a premiership team, which is more than any of you blokes can say - Dave Nadel in the 1981 C-Grade Grand Final
"Don't worry mite, the next vone I bowl vill have a bell in it" - ex-Reds C-Grader Norbert Loeffler
"They might as well bulldoze Lord's. I'll never go there again." - Unnamed MCC member after a vote to admit women to the 211-year old club
"I saw your picture in the paper today, Billy" - J.Todd compares Bill O'Brien to Muralitharan
"Where'd that go?" - Bill Alexander to a bemused square-leg umpire after Bill had clipped a ball over square-leg for six
"I used to think cricket was fun. Then I saw Ken Norling bat." - Chris Hansen
"Srikkanth is a vegetarian. If he swallows a fly he will be in trouble." -Sunil Gavaskar
"You wouldn't f*cking take him home to meet your granddaughter "- Umpire Tommy Thoburne reflects on Simon Wood's fluorescent green hair
"Have nothing to do with coaches. In fact, if you should see one coming, go and hide behind the pavilion until he goes away." - Bill O'Reilly
"I reckon cricket would be better if it were played from only one end." - Bill Alexander lamenting the need to walk from 1st slip to 1st slip between overs
"Cricket does keep those boys off the street." - Ken Norling's partner, Carmel Shute
"I was once offered a Foster's (beer) from someone over the fence, but it was warmer and frothier than a Foster's." -Bob Willis
"As in life so in death lies a bat of renown, Slain by a lorry (three ton); His innings is over, his bat is laid down; To the end a poor judge of a run." - gravestone in England
"What would you rather be? The Adelaide Crows or Melbourne or Geelong? I know I'd rather be Adelaide!" - Simon Roberts loses all rationality as he tries to motivate his players
"Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid." - Ian Botham
"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30." - Michael Abrahamson, SABC.
"If there were 22 Trevor Baileys playing in a match, who would ever go and watch it?" - Arthur Morris
"I'm very concerned for our middle order. We've already called on the immediate next people down, so who do you go to next? I've got a four year old son who might like a go." - N ew Zealand captain Ken Rutherford after a big defeat by Australia in 1993
"If there is a game that attracts the half-baked theorists more than cricket, I have yet to hear of it." - Fred Trueman
"I'm not wearing a box."-Gunbower batsman O.Castaneda seeks a sympathetic ear from Zoran Ivicak when facing the Fatboy. "Well who's the goose then? Hey, Tim! He's not wearing a box!"- Zoran urges the Fatboy to find his line and length
"Cricket is basically baseball on valium." - Robin Williams
"I watch cricket, and my idea of a Merv Hughes moustache is that it sweeps back a bit." - Ivan Milat
"On the outfield, hundreds of small boys are playing with their balls." - Rex Alston, BBC
"There were congratulations and high sixes all round." - Richie Benaud
"I knocked his helmet straight off his head." It went to pieces and blood came out ... I thought it was brains coming out. I think he was pretty happy to be alive." - Jeff Thomso n talking of the first time he bowled to New Zealand's Martin Crowe
"Is that the new name for the Fawkner Park toilets - Gai Waterhouse? - Greg Scealy
"You have to clap yourself on at the WACA." - NSW all-rounder Gary Gilmour on the parochialism of Sandgropers
"I'm allergic to taking wickets - it makes me come out in a rash." - Michael Langley explains his slow start to a season.
"It was close for Zaheer. Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air." - Jack Potter
"Have you bums smoked all my cigarettes?"-Simon Roberts explores role reversal at the pub.
"Keith Stackpole on chest padding worn by burly Australian bowler Merv Hughes: I hope it is a chest guard."
"That's the second time Maher has been bitten ... beaten." - Rod Kilner, ABC Radio
"That was a magnificent #@*^!% shot!" - the excitable Bill Lawry
"Perhaps I should retire" - Sean Byrne's quick fix solution to a suggestion from J. Todd to pick up the run rate in a tense struggle against Powerhouse
"Hogg suggested we survey the back of the Adelaide Oval, and I don't think he had a tennis match on his mind." - Graham Yallop on a difference of opinion with his teammate Rodney Hogg in 1979
"Cricket is the easiest sport in the world to take over. Nobody bothered to pay the players what they were worth." - Kerry Packer in 1977.
"I've seen batting all over the world. And in other countries, too." - Keith Miller
"Yorkshire all out 232, Hutton ill! I'm sorry.Hutton 111" - BBC news announcer
"Under the Northern Territory's mandatory sentencing laws, you'd be behind bars!" - Rhidian Thomas to Simon Roberts who had 'stolen' B-Grade players for three selection in a row
"Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as captain turns a cricket match into gang warfare." - Mike Brearley
"When you win the toss - bat. If you are in doubt, think about it, then bat. If you have very big doubts, consult a colleague - then bat." - WG Grace
"Well, he won't be putting the finger up anymore." - Greg 'Dorothy' Scealy on hearing of Steve Randell's conviction
"I condone anyone who tampers with the ball." - Allan Lamb, who may just have meant 'condemn'
"Border was facing a four-paced prong attack." - Dave Renneberg, ABC Radio
"We're not exactly quaking in our boots." - Mark Waugh on hearing of England's series win over South Africa
"Did I tell you about the time I : (a) went skydiving? (b) made a ton? (c) was playing for Ferntree Gully and ...?(d) [insert appropriate phrase here]"-Steve Flemming regales al l and sundry with gripping tales of daring and success.
"When Merv leaves school, he is going to have to be very good at football and cricket." - Merv Hughes' fifth form geography report